327 Market

Another Ridiculous Tia Loca Anecdote

The phone just rang...

[my thoughts in brackets]

LTL: Hey guess who?
me: Hey Auntie
LTL: I bet you are wondering why I am calling.
me: ok, why are you calling?
LTL: I have a question to ask you. And I don't want you to tell me now. I want you to pray about it.
me: you are making me nervous.
LTL: You can be nervous. I want to rent out the loft, or my bedroom. I haven't decided which.
me: oh
LTL: I want to go to Christian Boot Camp, for us hard-core charismatics [can't tell if she is being "humourous" here], or I want to move to Minnesota for a few months. I might do both. I need someone to live at the house. A christian. Someone to keep mom company. You would love the loft. [no I don't. i am allergic to it, too... no running water, becomes a mud hole in the winter, no insulation, its a shed that she turned into a studio] I know you are allergic to the house. [the understatement of the century... the house is a superfund site: between the sty-like living conditions and the dogs and the seasonal spring that makes the downstares a mold-factory, its amazing that the health department hasn't condemned it] It would be closer your work [no it wouldn't; the mighty Santa Cruzes would still be in my way]. You really need a chance to get your head together [i didn't know it was coming apart] and I really don't approve of your neighborhood. It gave me bad vibes. And the house you live in, I felt that it wasn't healthy at all. You need to be with family. And your church isn't right at all [granted, when she visited Ricky-the-stalker hit her up for money... that was a freakish incident though]. I don't think Flip Flop Town is a good place for you to be right now. [clearly she thinks that living in the House of Pain would be an improvement]. God's telling me that I need to move on.
me: really
LTL: And you would have more time for your creative thingies. There is nothing at all in La Honda... you would have plenty of time to do your thing. No distractions. You would save on rent. What do you pay? Seven Hundred?
me: nope... around five...
LTL: it would definitely be lower. But we'd expect you to help out. It wouldn't be a free ride. You'd have to help with utilities and you would have to be re... re.. responsible. [oh the irony... the woman who hasn't paid rent in 10 years lecturing me about being responsible] And mom needs someone around the house. She gets depressed [yeah, and that depression is catching, too]. You really need to be with family right now.
me: oh
LTL: I am going to start advertising next week.
me: that's great.
LTL: So you need to let me know by next tuesday.
OK, I have to go, I am really tired. Bye