Thursday, November 7, 2013

Good Bye Little Bean

I was 11 weeks, 6 days into my pregnancy.

Nov 5th, morning. I had some mild cramping, some spotting and a brown discharge. I was late for work and I had a prenatal appointment that afternoon. I figured whatever it was, it could wait.

Had a sh*tty day at work.

Went to the clinic early, when cramps got sharp and I could feel blood coming out.

Saw my OB and, not surprisingly, he had sad news.

There was a lot of blood and material. Thank God, I didn't have to see it. I went home with a heavy heart, picked up hubs from work and we walked a little. My OB prescribed something that started with an M and codein.

I bled a lot more, and passed more clots.

I have such mixed feeling~~ a little irrational guilt, sadness, relief to not have to wade through the beaurocratic red tape of Kaiser and SFUSD, relief of not having to take maternity leave or go through labor.

I have tried to give myself space to cry. My body is recovering quickly-- besides some GI upsets caused by codein, I physically feel OK. Its so strange to not be pregnant.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013



I dreamed I was late for work, in La Honda, and my only vehicle was a broken down VW Scirocco (sp?) And as I stumbled through the trees there was a huge school clock hovering over my head mocking me with my lateness.

This morning

I was so excited because I was going to take Joe to my special place in Grammie's house ~ the secret room in the attic (this is a reoccuring dream). When we got there, there was a new gate, but the lock was open and we pushed through. It had been remodelled as an Asian mall with throngs of people, a theater and a fresh prep restaurant where you could order pufferfish sashimi. I was so disappointed.

Second dream

I was wandering through a sculpture gallery (another reoccuring dream) and I ran into Paul Simon and we started chatting and he asked me if any of the art was mine. I admitted that I hadn't done any art in 6 years since I had kids. I asked him to dance and he said yes, and we twirled and spun through the gallery. The floors had been newly waxed and it smelled lemony and woody and I led.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

What started off as a half-facetious Facebook status

File under "confusing student questions"
1) Mrs Daniel, is this an art project?
2) This thingy isn't working. (Okay, it is a statement, but still, how am I supposed to respond to that?)
3) I can't put this kid's question into a pithy quote, but what I understood (or rather didn't) was that the digital file he wanted to turn in was on his Xbox and he wanted to "remake" it in the lab and what was I going to do about that. To which I tried to make him understand my powers of omniscience, telepathy and teleportation were actually quite poor, and while I was flattered he thought so highly of me, he would simply have to follow my directions for making a new digital file.

The reason these existential kid question were notable (especially #1) is that the deep reason I love teaching kids and not adults is that I am deeply deeply existentially lazy. I love teaching technique and processes. I love explicating tools and procedures. I love getting to know the kids and being a part of their lives. But please please don't ask me to put a lifetime of philosophical questioning and private ponderings into a 54 minute format with 33 squirming tweens. Additianlly, maybe I should be thrilled, but this is the first time in my kid-ed career where I was challenged at an intellectual level I just can't reach myself.

Did I just admit my teaching praxis is intellectually shallow? Well, don't worry, dear reader, I am not about to spiral off that existential cliff. I will show up to class on Tuesday. I will keep plugging along.

Ha ha, nice segue Mrs Daniel

GL has been watching a lot of Thomas the Train lately. To be honest, I enjoy watching it with her. I would love to build those models, that would be such a fun job and I enjoy seeing how creative and clever the model builders are. I love Alec Baldwin's voice. And the stories are great-- a cross between Austen-like comedy-of-manners and literal trainwrecks. And the theme! I can send G into paroxisms of glee when I pick it out on the penny whistle.

The engines are like kids. They try hard to please Sir Topham Hat, the director. He is liberal with his praise-- its clear he likes the engines to be obedient, useful and hardworking. Which is totally fair, he's got a train company to run.

And that is as deep as it is. Far be it from me to criticize Thomas.  My teaching is about as deep as Thomas's rails. We have our schedules and our rails. We have our Sir Topham Hats, and our Sir Topham Hats have their Sir Topham Hats. We have places to be and milestones to meet. We have our equipment that is unreliable, we have our trainwrecks, we have our comedies of manners and cross-purposes.

The obvious critique is, of course, where everything falls apart. The kids aren't engines, and neither am I. And sometimes they ask sticky questions that seem simple, but that I have no pat answer to. And at those points, I am reminded that there is a wild and exciting world, beyond the edges of Sodor.

Friday, April 26, 2013

perfect Mexican hot chocolate Icecream

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Gracie on the BART

Gracie on the BART, originally uploaded by camille94019.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Gracie's first Barbie!

Gracie's first Barbie!, originally uploaded by camille94019.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

the bissel o'love

the bissel o'love, originally uploaded by camille94019.

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