Mom, America and Apple Pie
The fall isn't shaping up very well. The schedule still seems to be riddled with large, financially-unfulfilling gaps. This causes quite a bit of stress, because being poor really isn't all its cracked up to be, the spiritual joys of living simply notwithstanding. School has started and the hope of getting more gigs is dimming quickly.
So now Camille is considering the back up plans. That is very easy, because, at this point, there is only one-- to call home and cry. She did that last week. She found herself letting her mom cry on her shoulder instead (but she did get some home-cooked meals and two days of landscaping work out of it).
Camille is trying to be growd up and think growd up thoughts. Trying not to wallow in the Slough of Despond. Gaps in the schedule can be good. Cool things can be put in there instead. (She hasn't even considered calling LA and groveling yet, maybe she'll regret this, but suddenly there are winds blowing, winds of... of... dare she even think the thought... freedom. Because LA and freedom are two separate and entirely different countries, because while she doesn't regret the time she spent there, it had hidden costs she's not sure she wants to pay again).
So as Camille laid in bed this morning, chewing her pillow, beseeching God for wisdom and money and wishing she was someone else (someone more rich), she returned to another thought... a thought that has been plaguing her for years.
time means classes... time means getting applications together... time means gathering material for portfolios and researching.
[insert sweeping violins here] The sun is rising in Camilleland, banishing the gloomy thoughts of loser-hood, god-has-forsaken-me, I-feel-like-a-retard and other things too depressing to mention. The future is pregnant with possibilities! It is like a heavy cluster of grapes that she only has to reach out and pluck, because, [expletive deleted], this is America!
I just got off the phone with my woman in LA and she was wondering if I was interested in The Job. I told her I already turned it down. For a split second, I thought maybe all this talk is garbage and I'll be back in LA before I know it, but when I explained what happened she said that I had done the right thing, that if I had accepted, I'd basically be letting them screw me again. I feel so vindicated!