Monday, October 10, 2005

Truth Telling

I had an intense conversation today with one of my muttonham bosses. She said that my summer performance has been inconsistant-- sometimes brilliant, but often not. Curiously enough, that is what her predessessor said about me.

And to make matters more ackward and difficult, we are friends and we occasionally see one another socially. She expressed her fear that I would get mad and not like her anymore. It was obviuous she had been dreading this conversation for quite a while. (I don't want to cause anyone dread!)

Au contraire, I told her. I tried to make it clear that I appreciated her candor and would certainly keep her on the party list. (hellooo girlfriend! priorities!)

We ended up sharing some hard-core girltalk and hugging. :)

She blessed me by being honest. I am grateful. I find myself falling into the trap of doing things half-assedly just out of obligation and convenience. I feel so much release (ha ha, in more ways than one).

So after five summers of alternately loving and hating the summer program and sticking with it for financial reasons (try finding a high-paying job in the summer, why doncha? Who really wants to spend the two free minutes in spring trying to line up summer employment!?) I am seriously thinking about keeping one class (the manga-drawing one) and cancelling the rest. Then I wouldn't have to be a lousy teacher and everybody will be happy.

(sniff sniff-- I think the wind is changing)

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