Friday, August 5, 2011

Hello Joy

I have been mildly insomniac lately-- mostly my mind has been racing about things that are bothering me. So I finally wrote them all down in my journal under the heading of "closet of anxieties". Once the list is written down it always seems less intimidating. Some of the entries seem down right silly. As I was looking at my list, I realized some things were missing.  None of them had anything to do Lulu.  I felt a twinge of guilt. Aren't parents supposed to be anxious about their kids? Was there something wrong with me? And while I don't know who exactly is going to be taking care of her during the first week of school, and I know I will miss her terribly when I return to work, somehow I know I am not alone. She is in God's hands and she is a beloved member of her terrestrial family.  Plus, she has a deep well of her own, personal spunk. I am not her sole source of life, and I certainly am not her only source of comfort and protection. From every angle I look at her, Lulu is a source of unadulterated joy. She reminds me I am a part of something bigger than myself, of something eternal and cosmic and loving. She puts my current troubles with the DMV and the school district in perspective-- tiny, temporal things, easily resolved with a stamp, a check or a phone call.

PS. My layoff was rescinded exactly a week before my report date. Another (now) silly anxiety put to rest. Jesus is right, anxiety is silly.


Anonymous said...

I like that idea: "closet of anxieties" list. I think I might use that one myself...
I don't think it's a bad thing that you aren't anxious about Lulu - indeed, she's surrounded by Love. :)
Congrats again on the job, Carmena!

Camille said...

Thanks, Anony!

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