I had a hit of inspiration the other day. The reason this is noteworthy is that I hardly think of anything these days beyond "where am I going to do my next load of laundry" or "is that crying baby mine or my neighbor's?"
The H*ster was making an all-too rare visit the other evening when Dutch announced the she "had to have a Pickleback!"
(Yes, do! Come visit our apartment and my husband will force you to have a crazy- possibly horrible hipster cocktail.)
How can I argue with Dutch, he hardly ever announces anything? And the H*ster, while not being very enthusiastic, wasn't running for the door, either (ha ha, the power of peer pressure).
According to my internet sources, a Pickleback is a shot of Jameson followed quickly by a shot of pickle juice. Will it remove freckles? Very possibly.
Because I cared about the H*ster's liver and the fact that she had an hour's drive ahead of her I prepared a very special, very tiny version for her. One tablespoon (15 ml) of each, in two matching teeny-tiny sake glasses. So if the Jameson is 40% alcohol (by weight or volume-- I don't know) that means she is having a mere 6 mls of alcohol. That can't be bad, can it? All of the "burning down your throat" goodness of hard likker with just a tiny bit of the hard stuff.
Considering two facts:
1) I like alcohol a lot. I feel guilty admitting this. I also like bars, the divy-er the better. Both my parents are outspoken tee-totallers and there are enough scary drunks in my family that serve as negative examples of the dangers of drunkenness that I feel really guilty admitting this. Sorry mom.
2) Alcohol doesn't like me. I get hang-overs even when I don't actually drink. My kidneys are always a tad tender. And the thing I hate about bars is that to get a glass of water you have to bug the already harried bartender. They have to serve you without getting a tip. There is one bar I have been to (Harrington's in SF's Financial District) where they have a self-serve water station. Brilliant. And while I am on this topic, I hate it when bartenders notice that you have finished you drink, they ask "what will you have next?" Assuming you have already decided to have another drink-- they are purposely taking advantage of your slightly fuzzy state to sell you more alcohol. To say "no" can be very awkward. I am an alcoholic light-weight-- it is never a good idea for me to have more than two drinks in a 24 hour period, period. I can't imagine I am alone in this. This is probably true for most medium-sized women.
Fred and Carrie on the appeal of tiny drinkware.
Can I have my beer and drink it too?
My brilliant idea is this-- a bar with a nice cozy interior (like a brown bar in Amsterdam) and scaled-down drinks, for the healthy livers of medium-sized women who don't want to go home with strange men at the end of the night. I am not suggesting watered-down drinks, I am just suggesting really cute, very small (with an proportionately small price) drink ware. Thimble-sized shot glasses. Half-pint pints. Large water glasses with a self-serve station. Maybe even an app that keeps track of how much you have had and can give you a little reminder to slow down. Sainted bartenders who care about the health of the patrons. They would have to be sainted, because I am sure that a bar like I have described, would not stay in business. We used to live a few doors down from The Hearth, and they have a very effective way of keeping things sane-- they are cash only and don't carry tabs. Dutch and I knew our night of debauchery was over when there was nothing left of the 20 spot. Incidentally, both the bartenders we saw were women. One refused to give Dutch a shot of absinthe one evening. Totally bad-ass. Then she went on to tell us horror stories of lost wallets and misplaced credit cards when she serves absinthe. Dutch wisely decided not to push it.
To sum up-- my perfect bar would have a "brown" interior, the water-bar of Harrington's, the bad-ass 'keeps and money policy of The Hearth and super kawaii mini-drinkware. Interested in investing? Contact me.