Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Really Great Idea

I had a hit of inspiration the other day.  The reason this is noteworthy is that I hardly think of anything these days beyond "where am I going to do my next load of laundry" or "is that crying baby mine or my neighbor's?"

The H*ster was making an all-too rare visit the other evening when Dutch announced the she "had to have a Pickleback!"

(Yes, do!  Come visit our apartment and my husband will force you to have a crazy- possibly horrible hipster cocktail.)

How can I argue with Dutch, he hardly ever announces anything?  And the H*ster, while not being very enthusiastic, wasn't running for the door, either (ha ha, the power of peer pressure).

According to my internet sources, a Pickleback is a shot of Jameson followed quickly by a shot of pickle juice.  Will it remove freckles?  Very possibly.

Because I cared about the H*ster's liver and the fact that she had an hour's drive ahead of her I prepared a very special, very tiny version for her.  One tablespoon (15 ml) of each, in two matching teeny-tiny sake glasses.  So if the Jameson is 40% alcohol (by weight or volume-- I don't know) that means she is having a mere 6 mls of alcohol.  That can't be bad, can it?  All of the "burning down your throat" goodness of hard likker with just a tiny bit of the hard stuff.


Considering two facts:

1)  I like alcohol a lot.  I feel guilty admitting this.  I also like bars, the divy-er the better.  Both my parents are outspoken tee-totallers and there are enough scary drunks in my family that serve as negative examples of the dangers of drunkenness that I feel really guilty admitting this.  Sorry mom.


2) Alcohol doesn't like me.  I get hang-overs even when I don't actually drink.  My kidneys are always a tad tender.  And the thing I hate about bars is that to get a glass of water you have to bug the already harried bartender.  They have to serve you without getting a tip.  There is one bar I have been to (Harrington's in SF's Financial District) where they have a self-serve water station.  Brilliant.  And while I am on this topic, I hate it when bartenders notice that you have finished you drink, they ask "what will you have next?"  Assuming you have already decided to have another drink-- they are purposely taking advantage of your slightly fuzzy state to sell you more alcohol.  To say "no" can be very awkward.  I am an alcoholic light-weight-- it is never a good idea for me to have more than two drinks in a 24 hour period, period.  I can't imagine I am alone in this.  This is probably true for most medium-sized women.
Fred and Carrie on the appeal of tiny drinkware.

Can I have my beer and drink it too?

My brilliant idea is this-- a bar with a nice cozy interior (like a brown bar in Amsterdam) and scaled-down drinks, for the healthy livers of medium-sized women who don't want to go home with strange men at the end of the night.  I am not suggesting watered-down drinks, I am just suggesting really cute, very small (with an proportionately small price) drink ware.  Thimble-sized shot glasses.  Half-pint pints. Large water glasses with a self-serve station.  Maybe even an app that keeps track of how much you have had and can give you a little reminder to slow down.  Sainted bartenders who care about the health of the patrons. They would have to be sainted, because I am sure that a bar like I have described, would not stay in business.  We used to live a few doors down from The Hearth, and they have a very effective way of keeping things sane-- they are cash only and don't carry tabs. Dutch and I knew our night of debauchery was over when there was nothing left of the 20 spot.  Incidentally, both the bartenders we saw were women.  One refused to give Dutch a shot of absinthe one evening.  Totally bad-ass.  Then she went on to tell us horror stories of lost wallets and misplaced credit cards when she serves absinthe.  Dutch wisely decided not to push it.

To sum up-- my perfect bar would have a "brown" interior, the water-bar of Harrington's, the bad-ass 'keeps and money policy of The Hearth and super kawaii mini-drinkware.  Interested in investing?  Contact me.

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I blog about life and soup, but mostly soup.