Posh Paella

Blogger Franny left a link to this video in a comment on the previous post. I laughed, I cried. Below is my americanization of Ikea's Black Squid Paella.

Paella a la Basement

bag of Trader Joe's Seafood Blend (a combined lb of frozen calamari, scallops and less than large shrimp)
salt
1 tsp dried chile flakes
1 red bell pepper
mess of mushrooms
2 tomatoes
4 garlic cloves
5 tbsp olive oil (we got ours from Safeway)
2 tbsp lemon juice
4 cups of chicken stock (we use Swanson's low sodium)
2 tbsp freshly chopped Thai basil (any sort of fresh or dried green herb will do)
2 cups risotto rice
1 cup white wine
pepper

paellara, or if you have low self esteem, a 12-14" skillet and
a medium skillet

Devastate tomatoes into half inch cubes
Tease the red pepper into strips
Blitz the garlic into an unrecognizable pulp
Scandalize the mushrooms any way you want

Set the red peppers aside for now

Saute the tomatoes, garlic and mushrooms in a little oil in the skillet
add lemon juice
Let it simmer for a few minutes, until you are bored

In the paellara, add the remaining oil and rice and saute for a few minutes.
Add the veggies and stock.

Let it simmer for 20 minutes.

Add the wine, the red peppers and the bag of seafood blend. Make sure everything is submerged beneath the tempestuous juices. The rice mixture should be relaxing with little bubbles at a nice, relaxed pace for 20 more minutes. Remove from heat and give it a fluff, then serve.

If you were me, at minute 17 you'd wander off into the study to look at something on the computer with Dutch, only the smell of smoke would rouse you from your reverie at minute 22, at which point you rush back to the kitchen and, belatedly remove the charred remains from the stove.

Fortunately, you'd also discover it isn't as bad as it first appeared, and 95% is more than edible.

Salt and pepper to taste.

serves 2 for a main dish, or four for a side dish