Sunday, March 20, 2005

I keep getting spam from eharmony. I generally delete it, but last night I was at an engagement/birthday party for a friend of mine and she met her dude on eh. This morning I decided to give it another stab. I broadened the geographical area (from the BA to the world) and I searched again.

zippo.

(breathing deeply, trying not to cry)

Trying not to be bitter. Trying hard not to blame myself (ooh, camille, you bad bad girl...).

Why on earth would eh want more money yet have absolutely no one to match me with? Its such a racket. I went and closed all the current matches that I could. None of those men tried to get in touch with me in the last four months, I think it is safe to say they aren't interested.

It was really hard to sit through the whole party last night. I was surrounded by perfect, professional, happy asian couples. The ones I talked to all seemed to live in Pacific Heights and commuted to high paying jobs in Menlo. I think I was the only fat white girl there with clothes from the Salvation Army. My friend was gushing nonstop about her hot lawyer. I tried to leave, but she asked me to stay for the prayer circle time.

I am such a sucker for prayer circle times. Most of the people there were already christian, so there wasn't any tension, nor where there heart-blowing epiphanies, either. The birthday girl cried. I privately wallowed in self pity while trying really hard not to.

The party was held in a huge mansion in B-town, near skyline. I am afraid to describe the place more, lest my poor-person bitterness sour my story. The room we prayed in had vaulted ceilings, indirect lighting, a hand-tooled wooden mantelpiece (sort of neuveau Hearst Castle), framed prints of Thomas Kincaide, nineteenth century-vintage tomes of Mark Twain artfully arranged with the professionally chosen "rustic" bric-a-brac. I do approve of Mark Twain. I bonded with the big mutt who had run of the place, Bo. I approve of big mutts. The host and hostess greeted me at the door and where very warm and welcoming. I had never met them before. They were so nice that I can't really hold their love of Thomas Kincaide against them.

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