I lost an auntie yesterday. The Kneebiter and I were publicly disowned in front of that big, downtown garage. I forget what its called, but its the one where that hippie folk-singer always sits and plays.
We were walking towards the Mall when I saw aunt and uncle Palomar coming towards us. I literally dragged the KB across the so we could say hello. When I approached Auntie P to give her a hug, she shrunk away from me like I was a leper.
"OH NO! I DON'T WANT A HUG FROM YOU!," she announced loudly as she ducked out of my grasp.
I was a bit taken aback. My relations with auntie P have always been very warm.
"Why not," I asked.
"I AM NO RELATION OF YOURS! YOU'RE AN E! AND I DON'T LIKE ES. I AM NOT A PART OF THE E FAMILY ANYMORE"
"We are not Es, we are Os. Surely you don't have a quarrel with the Os."
"YOUR MOTHER IS AN O AND I DON'T LIKE YOUR MOTHER!"
My poor uncle was just standing there. I turned to him and gave him a big hug. He gave me a lovely smile. He had just gotten out of the hospital. He had had a rough week, a couple days ago he wanted to harm himself, but he had the presence of mind to trundle himself to the hospital instead.
I really tried not to get upset in front of the KB. One unhinged auntie is enough.
"Allright," I said, "Goodbye former auntie." And I gave my uncle another hug. Then we headed off to the Saturn for some fries and a big heap of normalcy.
Yup, losing relatives is just a walk in the Mall.