Saturday, June 30, 2007
what I will be leaving
I have had the the itch to move away from Flip Flop for years. Most of the time I can ignore it, or I can remind myself about the lovable qualities of my present situation (they are legion-- ample parking, proximity to freeways and beaches, friendly, small-town people, great weather, big kitchen, rocking parties).
Yesterday these all seemed like good reasons for staying until I woke up and found myself on the H's couch, fighting consciousness and thinking that the positive things keeping me here are mostly ephemeral; people (who might move on) and the beautiful land (there are other beautiful places). Its not like I have a real job here, or kids in the school. My work always seems to be elsewhere. My lovely housing situation could could change at any moment (the landlords could evict us or a housemate could move away). I had plenty of perfectly suffocating things keeping me here-- inertia, the fear of changes, the fear of culling my collections and the fear of causing others inconvenience. I have been here in this house for nearly five years. That suddenly seems like long enough.
I don't know where I'll be in August. I'll keep you posted.