To Pou/et Surprise

Am I Bitter?

Circumstances are making me mad.

For example:

Exhibit 1

I worked hard to make sure that our rent wouldn't be more than a third of our combined take-home pay. I looked at a lot of places, and crunched a lot of numbers. Lots of people aren't as lucky as we are. We scored with our apartment, in terms of location and cost.

Exhibit 2

I found out, way too late, that my maternity package is terrible. In fact, I was chatting with my HR lady yesterday, and she said that while I am on leave, if my principal hires a "real teacher" to cover me, its very possible that the District will be sending me a bill instead of a check every month. I am hoping that my principals hire "fake teachers" who get "fake wages." She counseled me to take as little time off as possible, as a long leave could have dire financial consequences. Basically, I'll be paying the salary for whomever takes over. She also said I'd need a doctor's note to take off time before my due date. According to my research, working up till one's due date increases the chance of a premature birth. The HR lady even admitted that three teachers had to go on leave early because they delivered early just since September. Does the district hate babies? I feel like I am being penalized for this pregnancy. In a perfect world, a teacher's baby means money from the state in a few short years when the child enters kindergarten. As it is, we are going to be moving out of the City (see exhibit A) and taking our child to another District. Additionally, my monthly health care premium would skyrocket from $20/month to $273/month, if I cover the baby through them. Fortunately for us, Dutch has real benefits.

Exhibit C

Student loans. For Dutch's and my 15-ish years of combined college. Its ugly and its not going away anytime soon.

Exhibit D

San Francisco is billing itself as a "Sanctuary City." Which is great if you are an underage, illegal felon. The sanctuary won't extend to the Sea Monkey. This is one stranger that will be left outside your door.

Exhibit E

Our Carbon Footprint is relatively small compared to what it was when Dutch and I lived in the 'burbs. And I am apologizing now to the victims of global warming for the ridiculous amounts of gas Dutch and I are going to burn getting to work once we move into my parents' house after Christmas.

I am trying not to be bitter right now. My parents are saints for rescuing our sorry asses. It will be easy to gain baby weight once I am within spoon's-reach of Mom's kitchen. Hanging out with the KB will be lots of fun, too. I know we are not alone, thousands of Bay Area families are in the same bind as we are-- trying to balance family and work in an increasingly hostile environment.

Marriage Veteran

Dutch and I have been married for a whole FOUR DAYS! Now that we have some perspective we can share some of the deep wisdom we have learned about long term commitment.

• Pandora.com is key to marital musical harmony. Dutch put together a "quick mix" that includes some of my favorite genres. If you haven't checked it out, we recommend it. You plug in a favorite song title or band and then it generates a radio station that includes your original pick in addition to other things their computer thinks you may like. If you don't like it, you can skip it. Dutch's QuickMix link.
• Don't Pack Champagne In Duffel Bags Unless You Want Your Clothes to Smell Like Yesterday's Wino. Its true. Really. Because if you do that, you are likely to set the duffel bag on top of an SF Weekly newstand and then it might fall off and then you'll realize, belatedly, that a bottle of champagne is under a lot of pressure.
• Looking for a city apartment is a Lifestyle Choice. We stay up late every night trolling Craigslist for cheap apartments, and then we make lots of calls, send stacks of emails and spend entire weekends going to open houses with our credit reports clutched in our sweaty hands.
• All of the above is actually fun with good company.
  

Shaking the Empty Box

I am writing cover letters right now. I feel like I missed that class where they gave us our impresario skills.

Through sleight of hand and lots of yelling, I shall make this empty shoe box appear to be a massive office building! I'll shake it again, and this time it will be a barge! Yeah! A barge! To carry stuff! Across water! Woo Hoo! Now its a jet plane! If you squint, you can see wings! Watch it fly! Yes, Give me that job! Or at least don't round file this really fantastic resume...

Good-Bye, Hello

what I will be leaving

I have had the the itch to move away from Flip Flop for years. Most of the time I can ignore it, or I can remind myself about the lovable qualities of my present situation (they are legion-- ample parking, proximity to freeways and beaches, friendly, small-town people, great weather, big kitchen, rocking parties).

Yesterday these all seemed like good reasons for staying until I woke up and found myself on the H's couch, fighting consciousness and thinking that the positive things keeping me here are mostly ephemeral; people (who might move on) and the beautiful land (there are other beautiful places). Its not like I have a real job here, or kids in the school. My work always seems to be elsewhere. My lovely housing situation could could change at any moment (the landlords could evict us or a housemate could move away). I had plenty of perfectly suffocating things keeping me here-- inertia, the fear of changes, the fear of culling my collections and the fear of causing others inconvenience. I have been here in this house for nearly five years. That suddenly seems like long enough.

I don't know where I'll be in August. I'll keep you posted.