Pushing

My feet were in stirrups and my rear was brought right to the edge of the birthing table.  Someone put a huge plastic lined bucket underneath me.  The bladder catheter made it feel like I was peeing and not peeing at the same time.

Someone asked if I was having a contraction.  I could feel the pressure and I nodded.  Someone yelled "push!"  I pushed.  I pushed twice more and she slid right out.  The doctor had her by the head.  She was a perfect peachy pink color (the KB was purple, and that was what I expected) with dark hair.  She started to cry as they whisked her away.  I was hoping to hold her on my chest, but I found out later that after that first cry she stopped breathing and that is why they took her to the intensive care nursery immediately.  Dutch went with her.  The doctor pulled out the placenta.  She told me she was sending it to Pathology.  Did I want it afterwards?  No, I didn't.  She showed me the sack.  It was so strange looking, all bloody and transparent and attached to the liver-like placenta.  She kneaded my stomach.  I asked for my baby, and then I fell asleep.