Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Thoughts on Dog


Chien, originally uploaded by camille94019.

I am up here in the woods, contemplating dog. Dog is contemplating me. I think she wants something. There are so many barriers to effective communication between us, I am not even sure where to begin. In fact my frustratioin is remiscent of both teaching and dealing with the opposite sex. There are things I need the dog to do, that I can't physically make her. As with teaching, the art is in the seduction more than in the yelling. For example, she need to take pills in the evening and morning. She really hates pills, and I can understand that. Her mommie showed me how to disguise the buggers in cheese, but the dog has figured out how to suck the cheese off and spit out the pill.

So this morning I made a bid deal of getting out the cheese and the pills. I gave her little pill-shaped plugs of cheese and praised her mightily when she swallowed them. Then I slipped the pills into her liver-paste dog food and gave her a little breakfast. I haven't seen any liver-smeared pills yet, so I am hoping they are now getting integrated into her bloodstream at the moment.

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I have found that I needed similar tactics with "Arden" my inflamed friendster pal. He is such a turn-off, and finding the right liver-paste to slip the pills of truth into the dog bowl of his mind posed quite the challenge. I told him a parable, and I admit, it was very cheesy (this analogy is so apt!) about a girl in a garage looking for the right tool-- discarding the sledghammer because it was too heavy and the tweezers because they were too light. I really wanted to rail at him for being such a pompous bastard, but I realized I didn't want to be at Frenchy's level of arrogance-and-vitriol. Railing doesn't get you anywhere. I didn't want to be too nice, for fear of kindling his "flame" again. And the girl in the garage? She settled at last on telling him she wasn't interested.

I am not saying that either species is dumb... au contraire... its because they are smart that one must stoop to honest subterfuge.

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I woke up this morning to the sound of "dog-shimying-out-from-under-the-bed." She is not allowed on the bed, so she goes under. I put my hand over the edge sleepily and she started licking my fingers one at a time as I scratched her ears.

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