Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Christian+Flip+Flop


kit2, originally uploaded by camille94019.

The Contessa and I just finished an intense session of CLing. We were looking for the usual keywords; Christian+Flip+Flop. Only Frenchy came up. That man is indefatigable. He's not even a Christian! Undaunted, we tried a whole Bay Area search. There were 23 entries. We looked at them all. None of them inspired a reply and all of them horrified us with their terrible abuse of our mother tongue.

For example, this young Christian writes from Santa Rosa, I'm a former bad boy, never got any felony's (which is good because I'm becoming a lawyer in the next 3-4 years)...never really got nailed for anything bad but I liked to drive fast and I am a total bad ass. ..sorry but I am.

And this from a future lawyer? Can he write a sentence?

This man writes from San Jose West.

I'm a professional fit Christian SWM with a good career, a great sense of humor, a big heart, an adventurous spirit, an ambitious drive, an easy going personality. I am seeking a similar sweet fit Christian Lady to enjoy a wonderful life together. I prefer someone around 35-40 with no children currently.


True love is a sacred flame
That burns eternally,
And none can dim its special glow


I hope you don't mind, but I truncated the poem. We noticed that many of the men were guilty of Strange and Inappropriate Capitalizations. Were they snoozing during that lecture in the first grade? Are they victims of Prop 13?

Further searches turned up this' local' gem.

Now, you should be in your twenties or early thirties. I'm 6ft. So you got to be reasonably tall or someone who's always used to wearing' high heels. Sincere, Smart, fun-loving , elegant, charming, health conscious with a slim/fit or VERY PROPORTIONATE BODY

We speculated he had a fat right pinky that hit the apostrophe key whenever he hit return. We were also wondering what he meant by a "very proportionate body."

Out of desperation, we tried the New York CL. Our keyword was "christian" again. The caliber of writing increased slightly. They must have better schools, or maybe you have to be smarter to be allowed to stay.

Granted, this next example isn't perfect, but at least he doesn't use a bunch of ellipses.

Love.

I miss it so much. I haven’t felt love in over 3 years. Oh love, how I miss the heartfelt cuddling. I miss waking up and seeing an the angel of love lay next to me, completely vulnerable and all at the same time my greatest weakness.


This guy made us salivate until we got to the paragraph where he revealed his foot fetish.

I enjoy taking long walks for miles in parks (Eisenhower is one of my favorites), boardwalks (Jones Beach, Long Beach)or hiking trails and would like a partner to share that with me. I am also seriously into cooking especially Italian dishes, homemade brick oven pizzas, fancy desserts and homemade pies.

We didn't search out the nonchristians (although we found some on accident), so I don't if the bad writing had something to do with their faith. What is it with bad writing west coast men? Do the men with good grammar already have dates?

We replied to one entry. It was very long, otherwise I'd paste it here. The Contessa was attracted to his politics and I admired his relative articulateness. Sadly, he's not a part of our family of faith, so we just wrote to say we liked what he wrote.

I'm inspired by the words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love.

We are not going to give up. There will be other CL ads, and other times. Someday we will find someone. I am confident.

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