Bike Food

bike, originally uploaded by camille94019.

I biked all the way across the City today, going farther than I ever have before. I snagged my favorite pair of hose on a sprocket tooth, but other than that, I returned home unscathed. I have been training for this day ever since I learned how to bike in the driveway when I was ten.

The City's infamous hills and aggressive, urban traffic, continues to intimidate me, so last week I attended a four hour bike safety class put on by the Bike Coalition. I learned that I had the right to a full lane all the time (except for on freeways), how to wear a helmet and other sorts useful things that are easy to take for granted. I am still scared of traffic, but now I can mostly avoid it.

Since the Silver Bullet's untimely demise, I have had to relearn how to be a grown-up. I used to just be able to drive places, like to work, the post office, and the grocery store. I feel like I have suffered from some kind of life-changing physical accident. What was once easy, is now hard and fraught with drama. It was as if she was an appendage. My phantom car hurts.

After the car went away, I didn't go to the grocery store for a long time. The stash of dry pasta was running out. The ranks of canned beans were decimated. Only a few dry garlic wrappers chased the breeze in the bottom of the allium bowl. The lone banana quietly rotted in the corner. The proverbial larder was painfully bare. Fortunately, Dutch didn't let me starve, instead, he fed me at restaurants, but that is expensive, though delicious (at this point, this blog could almost be entirely devoted to food). My nutritional outlook is now sunnier since I put a rack on my bike.

I was going to wait to install a bike rack until such time as I had money, but the irresistible cry of my stomach overrode those petty financial inhibitions, so I took the bus to the closest Sport's Basement (the Presidio lacks groceries, but it has a sport's megastore!). The Yellow Monster now has the cheapest rack and the heaviest saddle-baskets available (and when my ship comes in, I'll replace them with something lighter) and together we can haul up to two conservative bags of groceries! Now the wide, wonderful world of City grocery stores is mine for the taking! I can even go to places that don't have parking, like the legendary Mai Wah Market on Clement St, which I had to avoid before. (My housemates describe Mai Wah as a "food museum" because it represents everything eaten by humans, regardless of continent and epoch). Not to mention the Evergreen Market on Mission, whose tortillas are hot, the quesa cold, the chiles plump and you can fish the tofu out of the barrel for 99 cents-a-pound. The adjustment period has been difficult, but my gastronomy can only expand! Oh the vistas to conquer! and worlds waiting to be chopped, sliced and sauteed and consumed!

Chow Bike (adapted from Martin Yan's Chow Mein)

1 bundle Japanese yam and buckwheat noodles (from J-town, of course)
mess of green beans (from the Syrian Market District on Geary) cut 1"
two cloves of garlic, minced
1 t-spoon sesame oil
fresh ginger, to taste, grated
2 tbs soy sauce
orange bell pepper, diced
1 tbs oyster sauce (from Mai Wah)
half cup of chicken stock
pepper, to taste
cooking oil
1/2 tsp crushed "brown sugar" from Evergreen (it looks rustic, tastes divine, comes in a big, pre-industrial cake)

1. cook noodles per directions, rinse with cold water, set aside.
2. heat skillet, add oil and garlic, but don't burn either one, just warm the garlic, to release its fragrance. Add the beans and cook gently
3. mix liquid ingredients in a bowl, plus the ginger and sugar.
4. add the sauce and noodles and stir until heated through, add the bell pepper. Add some pepper if you want.
   

bon apetit!

Uncle Albert's Pico de Gallo

This is from El Cab's Uncle Albert. It makes about a gallon of salsa and it is hot, so beware.

Finely chop the following and combine in a large ceramic bowl (metal or plastic might react or melt).
the corrected version-- basically the more peppers you add, the more onions you need (the milder version). All quantities are approximate.

5 or 6 large tomatoes
5 tomatillos
2 large white onions (1)
2 large red onions (1)
2 large yellow onions (1)
1 bunch cilantro
5 jalapeno peppers (3 or 4)
3 serrano peppers (2)
1 habanero pepper, chopped super-super fine
3 fat cloves of garlic, grated or chopped super-fine
juice of three lemons or limes
quantities of salt and pepper

Safety Tools
latex gloves
goggles

Wear disposable latex gloves to chop the peppers and use a separate cutting board that you can put in the dishwasher. The acids are powerful. You think you have washed your hands, and then oops, you rub your eyes and all of a sudden your world is consumed with an unquenchable fire. You gnash your teeth, you think you are in hell, you wish you were dead. It is all preventable with just a few precautions. Use the whole pepper, seeds and all, except the stem.

As you are chopping things up and adding them to the bowl, stop every ten minutes to sprinkle the mixture with lemon juice and salt. This prevents the ingredients from oxidizing, and something alchemical happens, you can actually smell it shifting from a collection of various vegetables, to a strong, intense note, an odor that is more than the sum of its parts, the smell of perfect salsa magic. If you skip this process, I take no responsibility for the pathetic mess you'll make.

According to El Cab, this salsa will stimulate your circulation and cleanse your liver. Be sure to eat it all within 48 hours, as the salsa is volatile and does not age gracefully.

How to Pronounce "Salsa"
Both ss are soft. No "z" sounds.

The N*ster's Salsa For Normal People

2 large tomatoes
1 white onion
1 lemon or lime
1 or 2 jalepenos
4 tablespoons fresh cilantro
salt and pepper

Finely chop it all up and combine in a bowl.

The N*ster is an amazing cook. She was the first person to teach me how to make salsa. She also showed me how to make fried chicken and many many other delectables, on both sides of the globe.

Eleven's Patties

4 3" Patties (1 serving)

• chop fine and caramelize 1/2 small onion and 1/2 med. bell pepper. salt.
  
• while onions and pepper are cooking combine: 1 egg white, 1/4-1/3 cup pureed (canned) pumpkin, 1/4 cup masa harina
• Add veggies and mix thoroughly.
• spray pan w/ non stick spray
• spoon batter in large spoonfuls onto pan and smash them flat
• cook on both sides until done.

Serve with Uncle Albert's Pico de Gallo

Eleven's Chile Polenta
this is not exactly like Eleven makes it, it is how I recalled it after dining at her house.

1 can of Turkey Chile
1 cup polenta
1 can black beans
1 cup of salsa

in a 9x9 greased baking dish
combine: polenta, 3 1/2 cups lukewarm water, beans, salsa and turkey chile
bake uncovered for 1 hour in a preheated 350 degree oven.

Easy Soup for Oxy

I could have just written this out and sent it to Oxymoron, but it is a chance to write about food, and I can't pass that up.

Soup Theory

Soup is simply a "base" plus an optional X. The base can be anything from water+butter+salt, to boullion-from-a-cube (watch out for MSG), a rue, or my current favorite, the Trader Joe boxed soups and thousands of liquid things in between. The X can be nearly any edible you find in your fridge.

Primary Soup

The first soup to tickle my palate was a Campbell's tomato and rice concoction that my great-grandmother fed us when I was very young, in the sun-drenched, turquoise-enameled breakfast nook, in her magical turn-of-the-century Chanel-scented house.

She had a wall-mounted magnetic electric can opener she used to open the can of Campbell's Tomato Soup that I found endlessly fascinating. She also had a nifty hand-powered coffee grinder.

Mae's Universal Tomato and Rice Soup

1 can of Campbell's Tomato Soup
1/2 cup white rice
salt and pepper

1) Cook the rice according to the directions. Don't lift that lid!
2) Prepare the tomato soup according to the directions.
3) Stir the rice into the soup. Add salt and pepper to taste.

voila!

Oxy and Camille's Poor Friday Night Soup.

Trader Joe's boxed Roasted Bell Pepper and Tomato Soup
rice noodles
2 cloves garlic
yellow onion (yellows have the highest sugar content)
butter
bunch of swiss chard (the King of Greens) (or your fave veggies)
1/2 tsp each rosemary, oregano & thyme or 1 1/2 tsp "Italian Seasoning Mix"
1/8 teaspoon of ground, dried cayenne pepper
salt and pepper

1) Put the water to boil for the noodles. Salt it, and make sure you use plenty of water, so the noodles can have enough room to swim.
2) Finely chop and saute the onion and garlic. Saute them with butter, in the bottom of the sauce pan you'll use for the soup-- turn the heat up high initially, to brown them, then turn it way down and stir them occasionally until they are nice and brown and transparent.
3) Pour the whole box of soup in on top of the onions. Turn on the heat. Add the spices.
4) Finely chop the swiss chard, rinse it thoroughly and add it to the soup when it is boiling. Turn the heat down, cover, and let it simmer for 10 minutes max.
5) Add the drained, cooked noodles when they are done.

Smokey Lentil Variation

Substitute

1) Cooked lentils instead of the cooked noodles. Lentils take more time, so get them going earlier. Add 1 cup of lentils to 2 cups of boiling water. Reduce heat to low, cover and let sit for 45 minutes.
2) 1 quart Lapsang Souchong (smoked black) tea instead of the boxed soup. 4 cups of boiling water and 6 teaspoons of tea. Let it steep for 10 minutes, so it is good and strong. Strain the tea leaves out before adding it to the onions and lentils.
3) A little cumin and curry instead of the Italian mix. Go easy with the spices, since you don't want to overpower the smoky tea.

bon apetit!